You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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