Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
