im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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