She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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