i may or may not be watching the land before time
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
