I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
