good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
