Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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