Swine flu is the new snow day.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
