This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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