As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
