Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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