why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
