Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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