Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
