you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
