I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
