Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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