i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
