making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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