i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
