From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
