I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
