I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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