I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I don't deserve a penis
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
