Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I cannot find my penis.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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