it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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