Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
