My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
