Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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