That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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