Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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