Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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