wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
