im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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