There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...