Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
This house was built for laser tag.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
