not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
