Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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