Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
