I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
