Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
