What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
17 Guys Share When Their Parents Found Their Porn Stash
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.