He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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