So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
