I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize