apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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