how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza