You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina