Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
