I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
