There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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