anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
