i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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