my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
