I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
