I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
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We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
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I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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