I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
