When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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