well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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