Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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