So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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