VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
