quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
