return my video game
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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