I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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