Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
