I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
