you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
