Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
