You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
