the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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