my soul wont recognize me after tonight
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
