Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
