Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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