Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
two words: eviction party
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
