they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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